Janice
(names have been changed to ensure anonymity)
Janice came to counselling after experiencing sexual abuse as a young child, and experiencing an adult relationship in which her partner was controlling and emotionally abusive. Early in her counselling journey, she began a new relationship and shared that she noticed her past continually impacting on her present. As we explored this together, she expressed a hope for her future;
‘to live in the present; to be able to better understand triggers and her emotional responses, to be able to feel safe and to look after herself’.
We worked together on building a ‘toolbox’ of resources that she could experiment with to begin to learn what was soothing, energising, safe etc. We incorporated Janice’s creativity and interests, aiming to tailor it to her personality and strengths so that the strategies were ones she would find accessible and useful.
Making use of psychoeducational materials such as the window of tolerance enabled her to better understand her emotional responses and to recognise these as symptoms of trauma, which in turn helped to separate past from present. Working together in sessions to notice dysregulation and to practice emotional regulation helped Janice build skills which she could integrate into her own life, and make use of in her relationships.
As we explored her experience in an abusive relationship, Janice gained insight regarding the significant impact of emotional abuse and recognised some of the scars she still carries from this relationship.
A Safe Space
Having space to share her experience enabled her to make sense of this relationship and to process some of her emotions. She found she was more present in her current relationship and more able to share past hurts with her partner, allowing her to feel heard and understood.
Janice shared some of the changes she noticed over the course of our work together:
- Recognising, understanding and responding triggers
- Understanding her window of tolerance
- Emotional regulation – learning to feel safe and present in the here and now
- Self-care and self-compassion – increased ability to look after her own emotional needs
- Improved relationships
Toward the end of counselling, Janice shared how helpful she had found the experience. She commented that she had come to counselling believing that she would need to ‘go back to her past’ to feel better but that, instead, she had ‘learned to live happily in the here and now’.
